Blogger Without a Cause
Today I happened upon an old email in my Lotus Archives and remembered this funny kid story and thought I’d share.
About five years ago, my then-five-year-old, JC, loved to watch a television show called “How It’s Made.” I think it was on the Discovery Channel (it may still be). He loved the episodes showing how coffee is made, how pencils are made, and his favorite, how tape measures are made. He watched these shows, which we had recorded for him, over and over and over becoming an expert on the topics. That tape measure episode? We must have watched it hundreds of times, no joke.
Most of the children’s networks that the kids watched didn’t have commercials, so while JC watched this show, on regular cable, we tried to remember to fast forward through commercials. However, sometimes we were busy or just forgot.
One of the sponsors of “How It’s Made” was Viagra.
Back in the day, Viagra commercials portrayed a smiling, mature couple dancing and swimming, mountain climbing, vacationing, whatever, to a catchy tune. Doop-doo-do, do-do-do doop! The tune was as happy as the couple! Joe and I realized that JC watched the commercials but since they were rather innocuous, we didn’t think too hard about it. JC could benefit from watching gleaming old people dance around to fun music, right?
Then we got this email from JC’s preschool teacher:
Haven’t written you with a FUNNY in a while so here it is….JC just
asked Kolette to play Viagra with him! Of course Deb [the assistant teacher] almost spit her soda
down the front of her shirt! I asked him if Viagra was a car and he said it was
something to make you feel better. Kolette had brought in Star Wars figures
and JC got one and said, “Hi, my name is Viagra”. We are trying not to
acknowledge it and hope he picks another character like Darth Vader or
something. Hope you’re having good day!
Yep. That’s my boy. Poor Kolette! I wonder if she went home and told her mom that she played Viagra with JC at school that day! Upon further conversation with the teacher, we learned that JC hummed the Viagra tune and tried to dance with Kolette, copying the couple in the commercial.
Hope you enjoyed! Have a nice night.
Captain Phillips takes us back to 2009 and the Somali pirate hijacking of the Maersk Alabama, a United States cargo ship off the coast of Africa. My three word review: Exciting. Thoughtful. Well-played. (Does a hyphenated word count as one word?)
In my view, Captain Phillips had a few things going for it before the movie even began. First, it’s available to rent On Demand, which meant I could enjoy the film from the comfort of my couch. Second, I already knew the story because I’d watched a documentary on the Navy SEALs’ involvement in the Somali hijacking with my son, a SEALs enthusiast. Third, TOM HANKS.
Tom Hanks is one of my favorites. A glance through his IMDb credits shows a whirlwind of awesome roles and movies. Forrest Gump sits securely on my personal Top Ten Movies of All Time list, and he’s WOODY from the Toy Story franchise. (Which, since I need to include my irrelevantly relevant factoid, started in 1995. Yes, Toy Story is almost twenty years old!). Woody’s been a big draw in my house for the past ten years. “Reach for the Stars!”
I have to go off
Kip dressed as Buffy (Tom Hanks), and Henry dressed as Hilde (Peter Scolari)
on another slight tangent– can we talk Bosom Buddies for a second? Hanks played Kip/Buffy Wilson, a man who dressed as a woman in order to secure housing in a female-only residence hall. I have to, HAVE TO include a pic here. Feast your eyes:
“Alright,” I said, as we huddled together. “Let’s circle again. The ‘love stinks’ chant. The bell’s about to ring so we’ll get an audience.”
“It’s too cold,” complained Robbie Madison. Scarred like me, Robbie declared himself my deputy organizer. “Let’s go inside.”
“We can’t. We only get a half hour.” The principal wasn’t thrilled with a Valentine’s Day protest. I convinced him that it would fit into his new anti-bullying agenda, mumbled something about the First Amendment, and made it a point to bother him daily during his busiest times. Eventually I wore him down. “Now’s the time. Remember why you’re here. Ready group?”
The Valentine’s Day Haters’ Club members reached into the center of the huddle and yelled, “Black Friday! Red Sucks!” as we lifted our hands and signs to the sky.
As I marched in the circle I noticed Maxwell Anderson, my chemistry lab partner, leaning against the tree just over the border of our protest line. He watched us as he lit a cigarette. The first time he waved me over I ignored him. On my second rotation, when he waved me over again, I handed my sign to Robbie and stepped out of the circle.
“If you want to join the protest, you have to take off that red scarf,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “No red allowed.”
“What are you protesting?” he asked.
I huffed. “Valentine’s Day is stupid and isolating and we are sick and tired of people flaunting it all over with their hearts and balloons and stuffed animals. It’s inconsiderate.”
“That’s a waste. You’re never gonna change people’s minds on love. There are tons of things you can protest that may actually make a difference. Illegal dumping, tax cuts for the rich . . . ” He took a drag of his cigarette.
Max ignored me and nodded towards the Hater’s Club, scowling and pacing the cold pavement behind the school. ”What’s the real reason for the circle of hate, Mandy? Is this because your dumb boyfriend dumped you?”
Yes, I thought. “No,” I said.
“Well can you stop this?” Max asked. He looked down at me with big, brown eyes I never before noticed.
“What? No. We just started.” It took me weeks to convince the principal to let us do the protest on school property. The mass email to the student body cost me a day of in-school suspension since I used so-called profanity. I convinced fifteen or so broken-hearted followers that this was a great idea. “Why should we stop now?”